[ Charlie chooses to take the fact that he agreed as a good sign. And when he pops up, she grins, brightly, hoisting herself off the bed and towards him.
Wrapping her arms around his waist, she tugs him into a hug, her face pressing against his chest as she inhales the scent of him happily, drunkenly. She's still mostly dressed from her night out with her friends, she'd managed to get her shoes off but the ridiculous bodycon dress she's wearing is still on.
The words are muffled against his shirt but still clear:]
[ The second she was up and off her bed, his eyes trailed down her body, taking in that plastic dress she's wearing - parts appreciatively, parts worried that she'd consider to wear this outside ever. She's looking ridiculously hot, but it's plastic. It can't be comfortable.
He doesn't say any of this when she comes in for a hug. He wraps his arms around her instinctively, dropping a kiss to the top of her head, smiling gently. ]
[ She'd somehow manage to justify the dress. Charlie's sense of fashion is pretty all over the place and sometimes, not the most practical. She knows she looks good in it and well, it's a conversation piece.
Still, she's more focused on basking in the attention he's giving her, humming at his question.]
Very good. Like the best. Too many shots though. [ It would have been better if he'd been there but even drunk, she doesn't feel like guilting him. And yet, when she tilts her head upward and seeks a real kiss, she can't help but admit--] Missed you.
[ He lets out a content breath at having Charlie in his arms - through it all, and the constant doubt that plagues him, whenever they're like this, together, everything he's constantly thinking about when he's not with her goes away, replaced by the quiet satisfaction of her presence. ]
Mmm. You're drunk. [ Still, he kisses her, a chast, closed-mouthed, but heartfelt kiss. ] We should get you to bed, babe.
[ Charlie has her own doubts, although they differ from his. She's naive enough or maybe just hopeful/optimistic enough to think that it doesn't matter, the things he worries about, the way society might look at them. She understands it, she's not some dumb teenager in love, she gets why it might look bad. But at the same time, this place is different. More flexible. And it hurts that he won't jump at the chance to use that flexibility in regards to her.]
I'm not drunk, I'm tipsy, [ she insists while slurring the last word, although it's cut off by that kiss. She tries to chase him for another one, her fingers crawling up his back in an attempt to keep him close.]
Besides I'm not tired. I want to... I want to kisssss and tallllk to you since I never get to see you. [ That's a drunken exaggeration, she sees him, after school hours and always stealing away, alone, but it never feels like enough.]
[ Z resists rolling her eyes - fondly, but still. He's been in college, he's been in her situation before, drunk and energized, but he doesn't want her to feel embarrassed in the morning.
So he stills leads her back towards her bed. There's another thing he'd like to do, which is peel her out of her dress, but that might lead to... Well, a lot longer night. ]
Sure, you never see me. What d'you wanna talk about? [ She's drunk. She might have some very interesting things to say.
Or it could end in another fight. Fun. Maybe he should choose the kissing option. ]
[ He guides her back towards her bed, her shoes are off so she moves surprisingly gracefully, given that she's drunk. She holds onto his chest and when the backs of her legs hit the edge, she holds on a little tighter so she doesn't give into the urge to sit.
He asks what she wants to talk about and she pauses because she can't really remember what she wanted to say now. Then she remembers and she moves to draw her lips across the skin of his neck, speaking softly--]
[ The sigh Z lets go of is loud, long-suffering. He knows she does, he knows she wants to be public with things, but he can't. He can't, not when the mere idea makes him so anxious he could throw up.
[ That sigh feels like a slap in the face, especially while she's drunk. She frowns to herself and pulls back from her seduction tactics.]
I know, [ she says with her own dramatic sigh before plopping down on her bed to sit. ] I just... thought I could ask again. [ She offers him a teasing smile, at least.] Or like totally charm you into not being ashamed of being with me.
[ His jaw ticks when he clenches it, a flare of anger taking over for a second before he lets it go, breathing through it. ]
I'm not fucking ashamed of you. How many times am I going to have to say it before you start believing it?
[ Well, that sounded more annoyed than he wanted it to. But he's tired of this discussion. He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing again, softer this time. ]
Charlie. It's not about you, okay? It's not. It's me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not shame. It's... society.
Whoa, I was just teasing you-- [ Except she wasn't and she knows he knows she wasn't. Her chat with Jaden has made her insecure all over again. The teachers here were shameless about their involvement with students, why couldn't Z be too?
She'll realize later that it makes him a better person than those other teachers, in a way. She lets out an exhausted breath and lays back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling so she doesn't have to look at him or face his frustration with her own, reasonable frustration.
She waves her fingers in the air like a conductor of some invisible orchestra, her lips drawn into something close to a frown.]
No one here cares, yanno. But I know you do so I'll shut up. 's fine. 's totally fine.
[ A few words tumble over in his head as he looks at Charlie lie down on her bed, looking for all she's worth like some Shakespearean tragedy heroine - in a plastic dress, that is. ]
If it's so hard for you to be with me, we can just - not, you know.
[ That's not what he wants to say, but it comes out, through frustration, some fear. Tired of having the same conversation over and over. He's being petty and just as childish as she is, but he's tired. ]
You can find someone you can be in public with, if that's all you care about. Obviously what I can offer you is not enough.
[ At his words, she sits up quickly, ready to snap back something in response but immediately she feels dizzy, immediately she feels a little sick. She pauses for a moment, looking as though she might either throw up or pass out.
Her eyes struggle to focus for a moment before she shakes her head, waving her hand at him.]
That isn't what I said. [ She moves to stand up and immediately regrets it, slumping back onto the bed and leaning forward, burying her face in her hands, feeling unstable even sitting down and unhappy at what he's said.] 'm not that shallow. [ Didn't he know that?
She feels the sudden, ridiculous urge to cry and she battles it off, thinking that her mother would be embarrassed to see her like this, acting like this. She lets out an uneven breath--]
I don't think you're shallow at all. [ He speaks softly, his anger draining out of him as quickly as it surged up. He moves around her room, getting a trashcan from under her desk and bringing it to her side before sitting on the bed by her side. ]
I'm just so tired of having to justify myself to you. I know it's not ideal, but it's what I've got to give. Can this be enough? For now?
[ In a peace offering, he lifts up an arm for her to fit under if she so wishes, looking at her with all the sincerity he has. ]
[ She's just drunk enough to speak honestly, in a way that she might have the balls to do if she were sober. She moves to tuck herself beneath his arm, leaning against him.]
'm tired too. [ She sighs the words out, feeling increasingly miserable and dizzy.] I know 'm not a great girlfriend. [ Her eyes close. ] I don't want to date other people... I want to be mutua-mutual-mutually [ She struggles with the word because realizing that isn't the right word at all.]No, no. I want to be exclusive. But I don't like feeling like someone's mistress or somethin' dirty or wrong. I mean my dad would totally kill me if he knew but here it never seemed to matter. [ She rambles and sighs.]
But I know it matters to you and like, I really, really like you. Like totally like you. I dunno what to do. [ And that's the crux of it, the reason she's been acting so... well, uptight.
She likes him more than just "like", she doesn't want to fool around with other people now and the idea of that is scary. So she pushes, prods and tries to get him to commit. Because the whole dirty little secret part of this has stopped being hot and now, she just wants him and wants to love him.]
[ He sighs just as much as she does, but manages not to cut her off, even when he wants to - when he wants to say she's not anybody's dirty secret, but he keeps from it, letting her talks things out for herself.
Then, he presses his lips to the top of her head, gentle, before speaking. ]
You're no one's mistress. It's not like I have anybody else and I have to hide you. And it's not that I think it's wrong, either. It's just... little things. I don't want other students' level of respect to change. I don't want the little jabs, and the comments, and the looks.
[ He noses down to her forehead, kissing her there before continuing. ]
I guess I'm just a bit weak. I'm not strong like you are, and I do care, what others think. And I know you say nobody does give a shit here, but that's not true. Your aunt cares. I want to be able to give you everything, but I know that I can't, right now. I'm not strong enough.
[ His lips feel very nice against her forehead, so very nice.... She struggles just a little to keep up with what he's saying, although when she realizes that he's basically calling himself a coward, she moves to sit up more, dragging herself upward so that she's not slumping against him.]
But you're not weak, Z. [ She wants him to feel better, she doesn't want him to feel like he's a coward or anything other than wonderful. Even drunk, she feels like garbage for making him feel that way.
And maybe she's just expecting life to be like the movies and books, that somehow he would say fuck that haters and be proud to be with her. But this is real life. It doesn't work that way. There are rules and things that are set. This is life where love doesn't solve everything, where people you care about ditch you or die.
Charlie knows better than anyone that you don't usually get what you want. Not exactly. ] I'm just... [ Fuck it, lay it all out there. And so, she rambles, a little nonsensically.] I'm gonna be in heat soon and like... 'm freaked out and How am I supposed to hide this-- [ she waves between them, her hand feeling entirely too heavy.] The other wolves will know. Jaden said he would help me but he has, like, the best girlfriend and he's just being nice and I'm just tired of meaningless hookups. And it's not like I can stay with you or you can stay with me... [ Sighing dramatically, she slumps back against him.]
[ He feels like he's just been punched in the face, and like he missed a couple of important things in that speech of hers. What?
Leaning over to her bedside table, he grabs the bottle there, and hands it to Charlie.]
Can you - backtrack? You're going into heat?
[ That is. Well. He should have, possibly, thought about it, considering she's a werewolf. But still, part human. Humans don't have heat, they just get horny. If that's... He opens his mouth, then closes it again. There's a lot to unpack here, but most importantly, something to note. ]
You can stay with me, if you need. We just need to be discreet about it.
[ She takes the bottle from him to take a sip but he seems to be stumbling over what she just said. Oh right, that's probably not something she should have shared. Wait... she's at a magical school, going into heat isn't that weird so scratch that first thought.
She shakes her head at his question.] Not right now probably in like... [ She closes one eye as she tries to do the math, drunk.] Two weeks? Two'n'a half. [ At his suggestion, she shakes her head, taking a long sip of water and moving away from him a bit.]
Nope, can't stay with you. [ She wags a finger at him.] You can't handle that level of cray.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hehehehehehe
get some sleep
we can talk tomorrow
:3
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fine
[ And here he is, seconds later, erupting from the socket in her wall, like he does. ]
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Wrapping her arms around his waist, she tugs him into a hug, her face pressing against his chest as she inhales the scent of him happily, drunkenly. She's still mostly dressed from her night out with her friends, she'd managed to get her shoes off but the ridiculous bodycon dress she's wearing is still on.
The words are muffled against his shirt but still clear:]
I'm glad you're here.
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He doesn't say any of this when she comes in for a hug. He wraps his arms around her instinctively, dropping a kiss to the top of her head, smiling gently. ]
I take it you had a good night?
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Still, she's more focused on basking in the attention he's giving her, humming at his question.]
Very good. Like the best. Too many shots though. [ It would have been better if he'd been there but even drunk, she doesn't feel like guilting him. And yet, when she tilts her head upward and seeks a real kiss, she can't help but admit--] Missed you.
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Mmm. You're drunk. [ Still, he kisses her, a chast, closed-mouthed, but heartfelt kiss. ] We should get you to bed, babe.
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I'm not drunk, I'm tipsy, [ she insists while slurring the last word, although it's cut off by that kiss. She tries to chase him for another one, her fingers crawling up his back in an attempt to keep him close.]
Besides I'm not tired. I want to... I want to kisssss and tallllk to you since I never get to see you. [ That's a drunken exaggeration, she sees him, after school hours and always stealing away, alone, but it never feels like enough.]
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So he stills leads her back towards her bed. There's another thing he'd like to do, which is peel her out of her dress, but that might lead to... Well, a lot longer night. ]
Sure, you never see me. What d'you wanna talk about? [ She's drunk. She might have some very interesting things to say.
Or it could end in another fight. Fun. Maybe he should choose the kissing option. ]
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He asks what she wants to talk about and she pauses because she can't really remember what she wanted to say now. Then she remembers and she moves to draw her lips across the skin of his neck, speaking softly--]
I want to go on a real date. Like out on a date.
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But she's not exactly patient, and she's drunk. ]
We've talked about this, Charlie.
[ She probably doesn't remember right now. ]
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I know, [ she says with her own dramatic sigh before plopping down on her bed to sit. ] I just... thought I could ask again. [ She offers him a teasing smile, at least.] Or like totally charm you into not being ashamed of being with me.
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I'm not fucking ashamed of you. How many times am I going to have to say it before you start believing it?
[ Well, that sounded more annoyed than he wanted it to. But he's tired of this discussion. He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing again, softer this time. ]
Charlie. It's not about you, okay? It's not. It's me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not shame. It's... society.
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She'll realize later that it makes him a better person than those other teachers, in a way. She lets out an exhausted breath and lays back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling so she doesn't have to look at him or face his frustration with her own, reasonable frustration.
She waves her fingers in the air like a conductor of some invisible orchestra, her lips drawn into something close to a frown.]
No one here cares, yanno. But I know you do so I'll shut up. 's fine. 's totally fine.
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If it's so hard for you to be with me, we can just - not, you know.
[ That's not what he wants to say, but it comes out, through frustration, some fear. Tired of having the same conversation over and over. He's being petty and just as childish as she is, but he's tired. ]
You can find someone you can be in public with, if that's all you care about. Obviously what I can offer you is not enough.
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Her eyes struggle to focus for a moment before she shakes her head, waving her hand at him.]
That isn't what I said. [ She moves to stand up and immediately regrets it, slumping back onto the bed and leaning forward, burying her face in her hands, feeling unstable even sitting down and unhappy at what he's said.] 'm not that shallow. [ Didn't he know that?
She feels the sudden, ridiculous urge to cry and she battles it off, thinking that her mother would be embarrassed to see her like this, acting like this. She lets out an uneven breath--]
I don't wanna fight. All I 'anted was you.
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I'm just so tired of having to justify myself to you. I know it's not ideal, but it's what I've got to give. Can this be enough? For now?
[ In a peace offering, he lifts up an arm for her to fit under if she so wishes, looking at her with all the sincerity he has. ]
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'm tired too. [ She sighs the words out, feeling increasingly miserable and dizzy.] I know 'm not a great girlfriend. [ Her eyes close. ] I don't want to date other people... I want to be mutua-mutual-mutually [ She struggles with the word because realizing that isn't the right word at all.]No, no. I want to be exclusive. But I don't like feeling like someone's mistress or somethin' dirty or wrong. I mean my dad would totally kill me if he knew but here it never seemed to matter. [ She rambles and sighs.]
But I know it matters to you and like, I really, really like you. Like totally like you. I dunno what to do. [ And that's the crux of it, the reason she's been acting so... well, uptight.
She likes him more than just "like", she doesn't want to fool around with other people now and the idea of that is scary. So she pushes, prods and tries to get him to commit. Because the whole dirty little secret part of this has stopped being hot and now, she just wants him and wants to love him.]
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Then, he presses his lips to the top of her head, gentle, before speaking. ]
You're no one's mistress. It's not like I have anybody else and I have to hide you. And it's not that I think it's wrong, either. It's just... little things. I don't want other students' level of respect to change. I don't want the little jabs, and the comments, and the looks.
[ He noses down to her forehead, kissing her there before continuing. ]
I guess I'm just a bit weak. I'm not strong like you are, and I do care, what others think. And I know you say nobody does give a shit here, but that's not true. Your aunt cares. I want to be able to give you everything, but I know that I can't, right now. I'm not strong enough.
[ He is a coward, and he knows it. ]
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But you're not weak, Z. [ She wants him to feel better, she doesn't want him to feel like he's a coward or anything other than wonderful. Even drunk, she feels like garbage for making him feel that way.
And maybe she's just expecting life to be like the movies and books, that somehow he would say fuck that haters and be proud to be with her. But this is real life. It doesn't work that way. There are rules and things that are set. This is life where love doesn't solve everything, where people you care about ditch you or die.
Charlie knows better than anyone that you don't usually get what you want. Not exactly. ] I'm just... [ Fuck it, lay it all out there. And so, she rambles, a little nonsensically.] I'm gonna be in heat soon and like... 'm freaked out and How am I supposed to hide this-- [ she waves between them, her hand feeling entirely too heavy.] The other wolves will know. Jaden said he would help me but he has, like, the best girlfriend and he's just being nice and I'm just tired of meaningless hookups. And it's not like I can stay with you or you can stay with me... [ Sighing dramatically, she slumps back against him.]
I need water.
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[ He feels like he's just been punched in the face, and like he missed a couple of important things in that speech of hers. What?
Leaning over to her bedside table, he grabs the bottle there, and hands it to Charlie.]
Can you - backtrack? You're going into heat?
[ That is. Well. He should have, possibly, thought about it, considering she's a werewolf. But still, part human. Humans don't have heat, they just get horny. If that's... He opens his mouth, then closes it again. There's a lot to unpack here, but most importantly, something to note. ]
You can stay with me, if you need. We just need to be discreet about it.
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She shakes her head at his question.] Not right now probably in like... [ She closes one eye as she tries to do the math, drunk.] Two weeks? Two'n'a half. [ At his suggestion, she shakes her head, taking a long sip of water and moving away from him a bit.]
Nope, can't stay with you. [ She wags a finger at him.] You can't handle that level of cray.
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Does that mean you're going to ask someone else to handle it?
[ Because, excuse you, but while he knows they have rules and shit, that sounds exactly like his worst nightmare. ]
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No... Wait... do you want me to? Find someone else?
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[ The exclamation is sharp and fast. He absolutely does not want that. ]
Absolutely not. It just sounds like... that's what you'd prefer. Like you think I can't take care of you?
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